| i miss a lot of things. i miss a lot of people. i missed a lot of opportunities. i missed. strike 3, im out |
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hehehe. . . . im pretty sure i just got kicked out
of my house. im too busy to take care of all the shit that i have to.
im only one person. i cant do everything right away. hell im falling
behind in school. . . again. but im trying this time. works the same.
bands doing great, pretty much all i have to look forward to anymore. i
hate ku, i really hate ku, i FUCKING HATE ku. ticket needs to be paid
by wed or i have a warrant on my ass, dunno how im gonna fit in a trip
to bonner. . . once again too busy. my mom cant grasp that. so im out i
guess. i failed her, im not who she wants me to be. she called the band
an excuse to get trashed. i dont appreciate that. oh well. had an
awesome weekend, thats all that matters. i half expected all my shit to
be out in the yard when i got home. wouldve saved me the trouble of
taking it all downstairs. thats all. the end.
p.s. you know that feeling you get when you sit back and look at what
youve done to yourself to create the person you are now, and youre
either pleased with that or disgusted?. . . yea i just had one of
those. what can a 19-year old do against a world that doesnt understand
him, that doesnt accept him, thats ashamed of him. . . what can he do?
disappear.
just disappear.
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| - Deviance
k, its been quite a while. whats new, whats new. . .
i got promoted less then 2 months of working, got transferred, and i
have a bunch of high schools bitches to boss around. its pretty damn
sweet. school started. actually making an attempt this time. i dont
miss KU at all, but i miss lawrence like a muther fucker. the bands
doin good, got a show out in topeka tomorrow. come check it out if you
can, call for directions and all that. my mom still hates me, and i
really want out of this house. oh yea im on diversion now too. but fuck
that. thinkin about cutting my hair again, down really short but i
dunno. . . prolly not. watched olsen beat the living piss out of this
fucking douchbag in lawrence. that was pretty sweet. i dunno i think
thats about it for now. everything else is pretty hazey. and bonner
springs is the most backwater, run-down, white trash, inbred, fucking
shithole ever. and pluto is and always will be a planet to me.
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| i have 29 days to move out permanently. happy 4th of july. . .
correction: i have until midnight tonight to move out. i hate this
place. i hate life. i guess overall i hate my mom for wanting me to be
everything im not. for not accepting who i am as a person, and rather
treating me like a mannequin, with no feelings and no heart, easily
manipulated by nothing but tiny strings. i have nowhere to turn now. i
have nowhere to go, and no way of getting there. im walking to my fate.
goodbye.
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| nothing is ever good enough. i bet she regrets it. the fourth abortion.
. . . 19 years too late. and im out of the house. . . again. time for
some cheap hotels.
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